Some Ruminations on Subjectivity

After great moments of intimacy
After the warm smile
The hearty embrace
The heart to heart talk
Intensity drops
And the world without men
Looms forth once more.

The world without men has only one person in it.
It is I.
I am the permanent resident of the world without men.
And when there are no other people there,
When the one who smiled, who embraced, who talked
Has walked away,
The world without men,
The world that is just in my mind
Surrounds me.

I am alone
In a world that
Only exists because I do
For when I too go away
The world without men too, would go away,
And in fact, there would be no world
at all.

The world without men has me in it.
I am the one,
in the world without men.
It would not exist without me,
So it is a very lonely
And very fragile,
world:
This piece of reality
that is my life
when others are not around.

This is very frightening.
I am alone,
And the only basis for my
sanity
Is my experience that
there is someone,
beyond the horizon,
behind the wall,
or in the kitchen.

There is another
Who can see
me and realize,
inside them.
In their minds.
That I am a person.
If you see me,
I exist,
But if you don't.
If you're not there.
I might not.

This is why God is so important:
Because God is
All knowing and
All seeing.
He sees me
And he sees the world without men.
And so
the world exists,
Whether I exist
or Not.

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